Two Weeks of Death and Life

The last two weeks, at least for me, has been full of both death and life.

I mention death first because the news of the last two weeks has been dominated by the death of Osama bin Laden.  Of course, everyone knows who he was.  He was the worst terrorist and the killer of many people, including many Americans.  If anyone deserved to die, he certainly did.  As well as killing so many people, he affected the lives of so many friends and relatives is such a negative way that their lives are forever changed despite his death.  His death will not bring any of those he killed back.

Yet I did not feel like other people who celebrated his death at Ground Zero, at the White House, or at others places.  I did not celebrate his death like they did.  Despite what Osama bin Laden did, it did not seem quite right to me to celebrate the death of anyone.  Yes, I am glad that he is dead, but at the same time, I do not wish for anyone to die.  Perhaps I would feel differently if a friend or relative of mine had been killed by him.  I was horrified when so many innocent people died on 9/11.  I haven't been affected by the events of 9/11 in such a strong way as people who had so many loses on that day of almost 10 years ago.  I did not lose a friend or relative on that day.  I have not had to live my life without a parent, spouse, sibling, or friend who died by Osama bin Laden's hand.  All my life, I have been taught to celebrate life.  I have not felt comfortable in celebrating his death. 

At the beginning of this post, I said the last two weeks has been filled by both death and life.  The news has been filled by the death of Osama bin Laden.  For me, the last two weeks has been filled with life, in particular, my life.  Actually more than two weeks ago, I had a mini-stroke in the retina of my left eye.  A blood vessel broke in the retina, and my vision in my left eye has been affected.  The mini-stroke was caused by high blood pressure.  I have made changes to my diet by eating more fruit, drinking tomato juice, and not eating as much of the stuff that is bad for you.  I am exercising much more now.  I have had a fitness walk five of the last seven days, and as a result, I have walked eleven miles this week.  I am on blood pressure medicine, and my blood pressure has gone down to around 120/80.  I check my blood pressure twice a day since I bought a blood pressure monitor from Walgreens.

Obviously, this health event has caused me to make changes in my life.  I realize that if I really want to keep on living on this earth and continue to have a high quality of life, I am going to have to continue with these changes.  I have lost a little weight already, but I am nowhere near the weight I want to be at or need to be at.  This is the start of a long process, but I am actually looking forward to where these changes will take me.  Last Thursday, I did not have the time to do a fitness walk.  I had walked four straight days (2.2 miles each day).  As I was walking to my car to run some errands, I could feel that my body wanting to walk faster.  My body wanted to do a fitness walk.  I had to slow myself down.  I felt guilty not doing my fitness walk.  Today I did my fitness walk despite the threat of rain.  More and more, fitness walking is becoming a part of my life.  It is what I do along with teaching.  It is what I have to do, along with the other changes, if I want to keep on living.  Too bad something drastic had to happen to me to make these changes.  I really knew I had to make these changes at some point in my life.  Now I know I have no choice.  I have to make them.    

We are not Vulcans

I love the Star Trek TV shows and their movies.  They portray such a optimistic view of the future.  Two of the more fascinating characters on the various Star Trek shows are Spock and T'Pol,  two vulcans.  Supposedly, Vulcans do not have emotions.  However, we do learn that Vulcans do have emotions.  They just do a better job of suppressing them.  That does not mean that Spock and T'Pol do not express their emotions.  They do express them, just not as often or in conflicting abundance.

Yes, we humans do have emotions, and we express them in their many forms all the time.  We are moved by beautiful music (I am listening to some beautiful classical music as I write this posting), or we get angry when we hear a politician say something that we disagree with in a fundamental way.   Emotions can be a good thing or a bad thing.  Anger can make us say to someone something that we really did not mean and which we may regret for a long time.  Anger can also motivate us to make meaningful change. 

I was watching a video this morning about a person who has made the decision to switch from a PC user to a Mac user.  He made this decision after much thought and deliberation.  The person who was talking with the person who has made the switch to Apple products (he has bought an iPad and a Apple TV as well) made the comment that PCs are getting so inexpensive, especially compared to Macs, that buying a PC can almost be buying on impulse.  Many manufacturers actually count on people to buy on impulse to sell a lot of their products.  I certainly have been guilty of that, as has most everyone else. 

I have Windows Vista on the laptop that I am using to write this posting.  I really want to install Windows 7 on this laptop as Widows 7 is a much better operating system than Windows Vista.  My emotions are telling me that I must go to Best Buy today to get Windows 7.  It would be so cool to have Windows 7 on my laptop.  However, I know that I have higher priority things that need to get fixed or replaced.  I have a leaky faucet in my bathtub that must be fixed.  I need some new clothes, especially t-shirts and polo shirts which are wearing out.  There are other things that are higher priority as well, but I really do not need to mention them.  Actually I am not having any problems with Windows Vista if I must be honest with myself.  If I am having any problems with it, either I put up with them or ignore them. 

Just suffice it to say that emotions are tough to deal with, and we deal with them on a daily basis.  Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves.  Others are better at hiding their emotions, but that does not mean they do not have a hard time dealing with their emotions.  In fact, they tend to have a harder time with their emotions, and their emotions may come out more intensely as a result.

I am glad I have emotions.  I enjoy life more because of them.  They are a part of who I am.  Emotions can make me feel bad as well.  However if we did not feel bad at times, we would not appreciate the times when we feel good.  We appreciate the warm spring days more when we have had the cold winter days.  I am glad I am not a Vulcan.  

We Don't Know How to Drive in This Country

After reading this posting, maybe before even finishing reading this posting, you will classify this posting as a rant.  You will probably be right.  This posting is a rant.  So be it.

I have been wanting to write this post for a couple of weeks, but I just haven't been able to carve out some time to do so.  I do a fair amount of driving around the county in my teaching GED classes and tutoring people in math.  There are two things that really bug me during my driving.  Everyone that drives around here has seen these two things.  There is nothing new about it.  I just have to get this off my chest.

There are a lot of cars out there that have non-functioning turn signals on the rear ends of cars.  I really do not see another reason why so many people make lane changes and turns with no turn signals blinking like mad.  I can't believe that these drivers think it is not necessary to let a person in another lane know that they are going to make a change into their lane, or let a person know that they are going to make a turn in front of another car that is behind them.  I can't believe that they do not think accidents can happen if notices of a lane change or a turn are not given.  I can't believe that they don't care that they may have just cut someone off or they may have just missed being hit in the rear of their car by another car because the car behind did not have enough time to slow down before the turn was made.  Non-functioning turn signals must be the cause.

When waiting at a traffic light, why do some drivers stop a car length or so behind the car in front of them?  They must not be thinking of what is going on behind them, or they would not leave so much space in front of them.  If a right or left turn lane is next to them, they must not realize that other cars behind them could be blocking access to the turn lane because of the space they are leaving in front of them.  If they knew they were responsible for someone not being able to make a turn onto another street, they might be embarrassed if they knew that they might be making someone late for a very important appointment.  Surely what they are thinking about while sitting at a traffic light would not interfere with being aware of all of their surroundings.  Surely they would not want to hinder anyone getting to their destination on time, or make someone waste precious gas while waiting to get in the turn lane.

I don't know why I let these things that drivers do bother me, but I seem to be irritated about it more and more.  Maybe I am getting too old for my own good.  Maybe I should not worry about it since there is really nothing I can do about it.  Maybe there are things I do while driving that irritates other drivers.  I do try to turn my turn signal on when I make a lane change or a turn onto another street.  I even turn the turn signal on well before I start slowing down to make my turn onto another street.  I certainly don't want to be the cause of an accident.  I know I am not a perfect driver.  No one is.  I just wish other drivers were more aware of what their driving actions are doing or not doing to other drivers around them.  Just because no accident occurs does not mean what they did is okay.  Not being a courteous driver by keeping a driver from getting into a turn lane is not okay.  By delaying someone for a even a few seconds may make a big difference to someone.  Maybe this is a rant.  So be it.

I Love to Sing

I love to sing.  It is one of the things I do that make me the person that I am.  I have been singing almost all of life.  I remember singing in kindergarten the song Heart of My Heart.  I liked the song so much that one time I got up at a restaurant where there was someone playing a piano.  I asked him if he would play that song while I sang it in front of everyone there.  I would not dare do that today, but kids have no fear, or maybe I just didn't know any better.  I don't think I knew all the words to the song.  I would have not made it to American Idol.

In third grade I joined my first choir, the Cadet Choir, at my church.  In school, they would sometimes let me sing a solo.  I was in the youth church choir starting in seventh grade through senior high, and I sang some solos in church as well.  Now don't start thinking that I am, or was, a great singer.  I am not a great singer, but sometimes I do have my moments.

As an adult, I sang in church choirs, and I sang in the Manassas Choral Society (they no longer exist) and in the Manassas Community Chorale.  They let me sing solos as well and in small groups.  I really enjoy singing in small groups where just a few singers are making music together.  I like the team aspects of singing in a small group.  You must blend together to make a good sound.  There can be no divas in a small group.

I am not singing with any choir or group right now.  I have had an issue with my hearing this year, and I have had to drop out of my church choir, the Trinity Singers, who sing at the 8:30 service at Trinity Episcopal Church in Old Town Manassas.  Let me explain what happened.

First of all, I am completely deaf in my left ear.  My hearing has been that way all of my life, probably from birth.  I have never made a big deal of it.  I actually have been more embarrassed by it, so I have always tried to hide it by having people be on my right side.  When singing with others, I make sure everyone is on my right side.  My hearing in my right ear is not 100% either, but it is good enough (I know one or two people who might debate that).  As a result, I usually do not have a problem hearing someone unless they are on my left side or are speaking away from me.

Last May my church choir was rehearsing in the sanctuary when the organist hit a couple of notes on the organ really loud.  He did it by mistake, but the result was I started to have hearing problems in my right ear.  There was a roaring in my ear, and sounds started to sound distorted.  It was like I was missing some frequencies.  I finally went to an audiologist to have my hearing tested.  She found that I had some low frequency loss.  She recommended that I see an ear, nose, and throat doctor so that an MRI of the ear could be done in order to determine perhaps the cause of the hearing loss and the roaring.  I was able to get a prescription for the MRI, but I did not get the MRI done right away because I do not have health insurance. 

In September, my hearing started to improve.  The roaring became less and less, and the distortion started to decrease.  One Saturday morning I woke up to find my hearing was back to normal.  There was no roaring nor distortion.  I told my audiologist about the improvement, and she told me to wait a few weeks before making another appointment to have my hearing tested again.  Meanwhile, I did not rejoin the choir, but I continued to go to the 8:30 service.  I just stayed in the back of the church so that the music, especially the organ, and other sounds were not so loud. 

However, I had a setback.  At the 8:30 service one Sunday, the organist hit a loud note on the organ, and I started to have the same problems with my hearing.  I was not so worried this time.  My hearing had come back before, and I trusted that it would come back again.  I made one change though.  I quit going to the 8:30 service, and now I am going to the 9:45 service where the piano is played only and the organ is not played.  My hearing has indeed come back again, but I am being very careful not to be around loud noises.  I miss being in the church choir with my fellow singers, but I cannot risk losing my hearing.  I can go without being able to hear in one ear, but not in both ears.

When I think about it, it is amazing that I am a singer at all.  Even at my best, my hearing is just okay.  I probably miss some sounds that I am not aware of.  I do have a tendency to sing louder than I should.  I may do that to compensate for my hearing.  Over the last few years, I think I have done a better job of not singing so loud.  When I sing a solo, I will sometimes sing a little loud, which makes my pitch go a little sharp.  I have to concentrate on not singing loud, and I have to realize that I do not have to sing loud for people to hear me. 

I do not know what I am going to do about singing again.  I certainly cannot sing when the organ is being played.  Even though there is no organ playing at the 9:45 church service, I still am sitting in the back of the church.  I sing along with songs on my CDs or songs being played on the radio, but that is not the same as singing with others in a choir or a small group.  I love to sing, but I also love to hear.  I am very thankful that I can hear.  My singing with others will just have to be on hold. 

I am Changing Lives

As you may know from reading my previous posts, I am a GED teacher.  I help people get their GED diplomas.  This week I found out that two more of my students from my GED Math Only Class took the GED test this past weekend and passed.  That means at least five students that I know of from that class have earned their GEDs.  That certainly makes me feel good, but this will have a much greater impact to the lives of these students.

One of these students who passed the GED test this past weekend has been working to get his GED for seven years.  His father once told him that he was not smart enough to amount to anything.  Despite this and a lot of other obstacles, he did not stop going to classes, and he kept on working to get his GED.  He has always wanted to be a mechanic, and now he can get the training he needs to be a mechanic.  He has other paths he can also take.  He can get a better paying job, or he can go onto college.  With his GED in hand, he now has choices in life.

The other student who passed the GED test this past weekend came to my GED Math Only Class Tuesday night with her two children to tell me that she passed the GED tests.  She now wants to go onto college.  She also now has choices of what to study and and what she wants to do for a career.  She has choices in life.

What better job can one have than a job that impacts people's lives in a positive way.  By helping them obtain the knowledge that enables them to have choices in their lives, I am having a positive impact on their families and the community as well.  I would have to look hard to find another job that does the same thing.  I also enjoy teaching them and working with them.  I will not get rich doing this, but I am rewarded in so many other ways.  I feel very fortunate to be making a difference. 

Art, We Take It for Granted, at Least I Do

I fess up.  Today I did not go to church.  I just felt like relaxing (drinking coffee and reading the newspaper), watching the CBS Sunday Morning Show (this show conflicts with church, so it was a treat to watch it today), and doing some things around my place (laundry and such).

There were two pieces on the CBS Sunday Morning Show that got me to thinking, a sometimes dangerous thing to do.  One piece was on Roy Lichtenstein, the person who started pop art.  The other piece was on actor Geoffrey Rush, an Oscar winner who is in the film "The King's Speech".  Both people are involved in very different forms of art, one being painting, the other acting.

I started to think about how much I take art for granted.  Art is all around us.  We see it everyday whether we think of what we are seeing as art.  Art might be a building, a bridge, even a laptop.  It might not have been built as a piece of art, but it can be art nonetheless.  Art is really in the eye of the beholder, to coin a phrase.  What I see as art, or what I see as art I like, can be just junk to someone else.  I think that is okay.  Everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion.

I do have art in my condo.  I have several prints and one original painting by Kenneth Aunchman (I am not sure that "Kenneth" is his correct first name).  It was given to me by my ex-wife for our 10th wedding anniversary in 1995.  It is a sea scene with a view both above and below the water.  Above the water is a sailing ship and the sun partially hidden by the clouds (having the sun in his paintings is a signature of his).  Below the water are two whales, three porpoises, and a school of small fish.  One of the whales is breaching, jumping from the water into the air, half in the water and half out in the air.  When I look at this painting, it makes me wish I lived by a body of water.  There is something calming and peaceful about being around water.

I worry that we really don't appreciate and support art like we should.  In tough economic times, like the present, things like art get cut from school budgets, and financial support to both artists and art galleries goes down.  We need art and artists in our lives, whether we understand it or not.  Art, in my opinion, is part of what makes us human beings.  We as a species have had art in our lives since the stone age with the paintings on the walls of caves.

I certainly want to have more art in my life.  I especially would like to hang more prints on the walls of my cave, my condo.  Alas, my current cash flow does not support such a desire.  I have to admit that in someways I am no different than the people who put together the school budgets.  If the choice is between a new print and eating, I have to choose eating.  I can do one thing at least.  I can do a better job of not taking art for granted.  I can do a better job of recognizing the art that is all around us.  I can go to art galleries (especially the free ones) and look and admire art of all kinds.  I can see and understand what each art piece means to me, after all art is personal.  It might be a small thing to do, but it is something that is guaranteed to enrich my life.  

Today is my Birthday

Yes, today is my birthday.  For most of us, we look forward to our birthdays.  I certainly do, although not as much as I used to.  Another birthday means we are another year older.  The older you get, the more you realize you have already had the majority of your birthdays.  That is certainly true with me.  I am 62 years old today.  There is certainly nothing wrong with being 62.  I believe I am a somewhat wiser person now.  I certainly have more knowledge.  I always tell my students that if they are not learning, they are dead.  I am always learning, so I am not dead yet.

Being 62 makes me think of my parents.  They both died in their early sixties.  I am not worried about that from a genetic point of view.  I am adopted, so I am not worried about dying in my sixties because they died in their sixties.  I do realize however that I can still die in my early sixties if I don't take care of myself.  I must do something about that.  I am overweight, and I am out of shape.

What am I going to do about it?  Well, I am not going to go on a crash diet to lose weight.  I have heard too many stories about people losing weight and then putting the weight back on.  I have lost weight before, but after I reached my weight goal, I stopped the diet (which was really just eating better with more fruits and such) and went back to my old eating habits. 

Actually, I have already started to make some changes in my diet.  A couple of days ago, I bought some navel oranges.  I will eat them instead of eating cheese sticks or Oreo cookies for snacks/deserts.  Yesterday I saw a piece on the Today Show about eating whole wheat bread.  I know whole wheat bread is good for you and white bread is not so good for you.  The trouble about white bread is that it tastes so good, especially when you put butter (not real butter, but soft margarine) on it and bake it in the oven.  I bought some honey wheat bread, and it actually does taste good.  I had it this morning with my breakfast.  I also have some yogurt in my fridge, so I will eat more of that for snacks.  These changes are not major in scope, but I want to make changes that have a good chance of sticking.  If I make these changes as a lifestyle change and not think of them as going on a diet, I hope I won't drop them when I reach my weight goal like I did before.  One might say I am playing a mind game with myself.  However, if I really want to make it out of my sixties, I have got to make changes in my diet.  As I continue to ponder my diet, I am sure I will be making more changes to my diet.  I feel good about the changes I have already made.  They are small changes, but you have to start somewhere.

Now, what about exercising?  I have to do that too if I want to lose weight and be in better shape.  I am not so sure how to approach this.  Exercising is not my favorite thing to do.  You get out of breath, and it can be hard to do.  I know I can at least start taking walks.  I am certainly able to do that, and it does not cost anything like belonging to a gym does.  What would help me to do that is having a walking buddy, a person who encourages me, a person whom I would also encourage.  I would feel bad if I missed a walking session with my walking buddy, so I would more likely do the walking if I had a walking buddy.  Until I do find a walking buddy, I will just have to do it on my own.  I just have to remember why I am walking (and changing my diet), to live a longer life and a quality life.